A few months ago God spoke to me deeply about starting up a worship team for the middle school youth group I lead each thursday. It happened the day of the first kick off for the youth group.
He gave me an image of kids jumping and dancing with arms raised praising God, filled with a passion to shout out the name of the One who saved them. Right afterwards I hit my computer and put my vision down in words. I called it (A Vision, A Dream, A Plan of Action)..if you go to my notes on facebook you will find it.
At the time I had just started going to school..I knew nothing about worship leading nor could I play any instruments (unless you count my one chord strumming)! I was reluctant and didnt believe in myself enough to actually take the vision seriously. I had been a part of worship teams but leading one? you got to be kidding me!
I mean I was passionate about the idea but was I dedicated enough to take any ACTION?
A month later the idea was still constantly turning in my thoughts. I wanted to see this thing started but I didnt want to take the responsibility. I had wrote about it but was I actually going to put in the effort to make my words become a reality?
Yes I decided! I passed the idea around among other leaders and talked to the middle school pastor about it and they all agreed it was a great idea. I even mentioned it to a couple of kids I knew would be valuable to the team.
This was a big MISTAKE. Here was I getting everyone hyped up about it but not taking into consideration the time, effort, and energy I would need to put into it. When people would ask me about it I would tell them that things were still getting sorted out..which was half true..the part I forgot to mention was that right now I didnt really have time to sort things out.
Another month went by and the nagging gut feeling I had in my stomach did not go away..I knew that God had called me to this and I was selfishly denying it. I could not keep letting my own insecurities and worries get in the way of doing what I knew I needed to. Deep down I hoped that someone else could lead the team and I could just follow. I worried that the other leaders would not follow me because of my lack of ability to play guitar. I worried that there wouldnt be enough people to play on the team. I worried that I would fail.
But you know what! I would rather try than know that I had given up on God, given up on the vision, given up on the kids, given up on my pastor, and given up on myself. One of my favourite bible stories is in Matthew 14:28-32 8
"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." 29"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" 31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" 32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
Peter took a great step of faith..if he hadnt stepped out of the boat he would have never been able to walk on water; as soon as he started doubting though, he began to sink. This is one of those steppin out of the boat moments for me- If I can have faith to lead this team, something that I have no ability to do on my own and dedicate myself to putting my full effort into it, I know God will work wonders.
I have set about to do it the right way this time. Over the past 2 months I have volunteered to learn sound on wed evenings..I have talked to many other worship leaders about how I should go about starting a team..and once I gained the knowledge to do this..I contacted those who had expressed interest in the team and gave a set date for when we would start practice.
The first practice was last night. I was discouraged at first but God gave me assurance. It went great =) and I am confident that things will continue to go well. We have set practice times over the next month and are scheduled to start playing on the 19th. Things are gonna be difficult- but "I can do all things through him who gives me strength."(Philippians 4:13)
Do something about things God calls you to and the visions he gives you! He wouldnt have given them to you unless he wanted you to turn them into reality! Dont let your insecurities and worries interfere..for who or what is greater than the one you follow..NO ONE and NOTHING! Take a Step UP.
Tessaling :D
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Relationships ?!
So here is me putting myself out there..
First of all this thing called relationships is all new to me, in fact I would not even consider it to be new at all seeing as I have never been in one. All throughout school I had never really experienced one of those all-consuming crushes that many girls are inflicted with. My friends would tell me this and that about the boy they liked but my answer to the anticipated question "Do you like anyone?" was usually the same. "Not really..". There was one in elementary school and one middle school that I liked longer than a month but most of them were short-lived.
I found myself liking the idea of the guy rather than the actual guy himself. I could picture what people would say about us, what we would do together, how we would hang out and was smitten. Soon this idea would wear off and I would be back to my same original answer.
Now sheepishly I will admit that I am still in the NBK club. (if you dont know what this is then sorry ) When I was 16 & 17 I used to think that something was wrong with me. Sure guys liked me, but my life seemed to be a neverending cycle of rejection. I would reject them and the guys I was interested in rejected me. I sought out their attention and tried to impress them but my attempts always failed. This insecurity was not revealed until a couple summers ago when God showed me what he wanted out of me. He wanted my confidence to come from him and not from Guys.
I used be impatient with God, asking him why he hadn't brought anyone into my life yet. This is what he told me.
My daughter do not worry. I have made you to be in relationship and will bring someone special into your life when my time is right. You must seek me first above all else "Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.", and I will fill all the desires of your heart "Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.". Only when you done this I will bring you the man of your dreams. I am a zealous God and I do not want to be second best. You can get caught up in the love and attention of him and will not seek the relationship you were meant to have with me. Only when I am first in your life and love me more than anybody else will I fulfill all the desires of your heart, the one you long for.
I have learned what that means, to put God first above all else. Although I am still growing, being romanced by him is more satisfying than any man ever could be. He has given me confidence that I am his beautiful creation and his love for me reaches beyond the ends of the earth.
Our identity and who we are in Christ can get lost if we are constantly falling in and out of relationships. God wants us to find our identity in him and I believe it is very hard to do that when in a relationship.
On the letter of wisdom that my youth pastor gave me he told us to try not to date until the age of 21, to find our identity in Christ. Although I am not going to put an age limit on when I will be in a relationship, I will say this, "God needs to be first priority for both sides of the relationship." Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. This cord is a man, woman, and God. The relationship must be founded in God and supported by him to remain strong through thickness and in thin, better or for worse.
Heres a little secret, #1 on the list is that my future husband must love God more than me, and understand that I will always love God more than him. Sometimes it feels funny to watch my friends all enter into relationships and be the one who is still single. I do not mind being single at all because it gives me a chance to grow on my own and discover who I am and who God has made me to be.
I know God will bring that man into my life one day and it will be the most indescribibly amazing thing ever but until then ... I will continue to spend time getting to know my Saviour even more.
Tessaling <3
First of all this thing called relationships is all new to me, in fact I would not even consider it to be new at all seeing as I have never been in one. All throughout school I had never really experienced one of those all-consuming crushes that many girls are inflicted with. My friends would tell me this and that about the boy they liked but my answer to the anticipated question "Do you like anyone?" was usually the same. "Not really..". There was one in elementary school and one middle school that I liked longer than a month but most of them were short-lived.
I found myself liking the idea of the guy rather than the actual guy himself. I could picture what people would say about us, what we would do together, how we would hang out and was smitten. Soon this idea would wear off and I would be back to my same original answer.
Now sheepishly I will admit that I am still in the NBK club. (if you dont know what this is then sorry ) When I was 16 & 17 I used to think that something was wrong with me. Sure guys liked me, but my life seemed to be a neverending cycle of rejection. I would reject them and the guys I was interested in rejected me. I sought out their attention and tried to impress them but my attempts always failed. This insecurity was not revealed until a couple summers ago when God showed me what he wanted out of me. He wanted my confidence to come from him and not from Guys.
I used be impatient with God, asking him why he hadn't brought anyone into my life yet. This is what he told me.
My daughter do not worry. I have made you to be in relationship and will bring someone special into your life when my time is right. You must seek me first above all else "Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.", and I will fill all the desires of your heart "Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.". Only when you done this I will bring you the man of your dreams. I am a zealous God and I do not want to be second best. You can get caught up in the love and attention of him and will not seek the relationship you were meant to have with me. Only when I am first in your life and love me more than anybody else will I fulfill all the desires of your heart, the one you long for.
I have learned what that means, to put God first above all else. Although I am still growing, being romanced by him is more satisfying than any man ever could be. He has given me confidence that I am his beautiful creation and his love for me reaches beyond the ends of the earth.
Our identity and who we are in Christ can get lost if we are constantly falling in and out of relationships. God wants us to find our identity in him and I believe it is very hard to do that when in a relationship.
On the letter of wisdom that my youth pastor gave me he told us to try not to date until the age of 21, to find our identity in Christ. Although I am not going to put an age limit on when I will be in a relationship, I will say this, "God needs to be first priority for both sides of the relationship." Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. This cord is a man, woman, and God. The relationship must be founded in God and supported by him to remain strong through thickness and in thin, better or for worse.
Heres a little secret, #1 on the list is that my future husband must love God more than me, and understand that I will always love God more than him. Sometimes it feels funny to watch my friends all enter into relationships and be the one who is still single. I do not mind being single at all because it gives me a chance to grow on my own and discover who I am and who God has made me to be.
I know God will bring that man into my life one day and it will be the most indescribibly amazing thing ever but until then ... I will continue to spend time getting to know my Saviour even more.
Tessaling <3
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Traumatic things USED to define my life..
I've always thought that my tendency to cause teeth biting, lip curling, on the ground in tears, embarrassing moments was a curse. These moments used to plague me. They werent the typical walking into a wall or tripping down the stairs kinda moments, although I have had many of those, these were the kinda things that would have people talking for days. They would make references for weeks afterwards. (and yes the thing they are laughing at in the picture is me lol)
I've never really considered the effect that these had on me as a kid. I would always shrug them off or laugh with people, though deep down I was humiliated. I've realized now that I always wanted peoples approval. I wanted to be liked and I wanted to fit in. I thrived off of it. This just made the sting of insults even more painful.
God has been teaching me that his approval is more important than anybody elses. He has given me confidence in who I am, a beautiful creation. I do not need the opinions of others to affect what I do or how I do it. As long as its for his will-I will go out there and do it with my whole heart no matter what other people will say. This authority he has given me continues to change the way I look at things and how I do them.
Traumatic things still happen to me, ALOT but the difference is that I've learned to accept that they make me, ME. Now whenever something embarrassing happens to me, I shrug it off and laugh knowing that it will make one heck of a story to tell later!
Your crazy, Tessa roonie <3
Monday, January 19, 2009
Putting my Trust in You
Trust is delicate like a piece of thread. Torn so easily but yet so strong. It holds us together but can tear us apart.
Putting my trust in you is hard sometimes. I dont know the future or what your plan is for me. Yet everytime I reach out to you, you never fail me. You have proven yourself as worthy of my trust.This world and the people in it fail us too much; I am so used to being failed that sometimes you seem too good to be true. Always faithful, always forgiving.
Help me to rest in the fact that your plan is greater than anything I can imagine. My purpose is found in you. You alone give me my life, my spirit, my heart. It is you working in me that makes me want to serve and do your will.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Tesstimony
Putting my trust in you is hard sometimes. I dont know the future or what your plan is for me. Yet everytime I reach out to you, you never fail me. You have proven yourself as worthy of my trust.This world and the people in it fail us too much; I am so used to being failed that sometimes you seem too good to be true. Always faithful, always forgiving.
Help me to rest in the fact that your plan is greater than anything I can imagine. My purpose is found in you. You alone give me my life, my spirit, my heart. It is you working in me that makes me want to serve and do your will.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Tesstimony
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I would always
I would always dream of adventure, I would always dream of escape. I would always wish that people could apologize for their mistake.
I would always search for answers to my agony and pain. I would always search for reasons why I would always get the blame.
I would always reflect upon the times of hardships and strife. I would always reflect upon the times I felt you were missing in my life.
I would always find that when I asked you to show me that you were there. I would always find that you found a way to show me that you care.
I'm in awe of your sacrifice, I'm in awe of your name, that you would come and suffer so we didnt have to feel shame.
I always find that you bring comfort to those in need. I always find that you give power to all those you lead.
I always know your purpose is to great for me to understand. I always know my life is in the strongest hand.
Sometimes we go through challenges to develop perserverance. Sometimes we feel pain to help others who are going through the same pain. Sometimes our faith is tested but the rewards will overflow into our lives if we remain faithful. Everyone calls out to God when they are discouraged and broken. I do not regret at one moment any of the trials and hardships in my life.
God has shown me so many times how he can work through my sufferings to help others. Not only does he make me stronger, (for it is in those times that we often call out to God the most), he also helps me to relate and share his truth with others who have gone through the same things. And the best thing is..he never leaves me when I am going through them.
As far as the many difficult things I will face in the many years ahead of me in this journey called life, I will embrace them. I believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason and although I cannot even come close to comprehending the whys, I know they each fit into Gods bigger picture.
SO BRING IT ON!
James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
Tesstimony
I would always search for answers to my agony and pain. I would always search for reasons why I would always get the blame.
I would always reflect upon the times of hardships and strife. I would always reflect upon the times I felt you were missing in my life.
I would always find that when I asked you to show me that you were there. I would always find that you found a way to show me that you care.
I'm in awe of your sacrifice, I'm in awe of your name, that you would come and suffer so we didnt have to feel shame.
I always find that you bring comfort to those in need. I always find that you give power to all those you lead.
I always know your purpose is to great for me to understand. I always know my life is in the strongest hand.
Sometimes we go through challenges to develop perserverance. Sometimes we feel pain to help others who are going through the same pain. Sometimes our faith is tested but the rewards will overflow into our lives if we remain faithful. Everyone calls out to God when they are discouraged and broken. I do not regret at one moment any of the trials and hardships in my life.
God has shown me so many times how he can work through my sufferings to help others. Not only does he make me stronger, (for it is in those times that we often call out to God the most), he also helps me to relate and share his truth with others who have gone through the same things. And the best thing is..he never leaves me when I am going through them.
As far as the many difficult things I will face in the many years ahead of me in this journey called life, I will embrace them. I believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason and although I cannot even come close to comprehending the whys, I know they each fit into Gods bigger picture.
SO BRING IT ON!
James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
Tesstimony
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Feeling the Pressure?
Ok so frankly I am getting a little frustrated with this whole Bridal College cliche.
The second I decided to go to Bible College the teasings began.." you know your going to BRIDAL college right?" or "I'm gonna find you a man!" and even now people ask me "have you found yourself a husband yet?"
The answer which gets played out inside my head is this: "People seriously I am not at Bible College to find myself a freakin husband! I came to Bible college because I am following my calling to serve God completely and fully for the rest of eternity, not to search out the man I will marry. If it happens it happens but I will not go out and search for it because of all the hype. "
Not everyone gets married to someone they meet in Bible college! In fact MOST do not. Say that 20% of couples who meet at Bible college get engaged each year. This seems like alot in comparsion to other schools but what about the entire other 80%? People make it out to be a place of divine matchmaking. This brings people whos main purpose is to find a spouse and puts pressure on those who come for the main purpose to grow with God.
I am one of those people feeling the pressure. I came to Bible College because I had been called to music ministry but due to all the hype before, I couldnt help but wonder if I would find my husband there.
This is such a distraction. If we spend all our time trying to figure out who our potential husband could be with the false hope that we will in fact find one there, we end up missing out on the valuable time that God wants to spend with us. I believe Bible College is meant by God to be a place of shaping, fixing, and molding us into the leaders we are called to be.
Sometimes I can feel people screaming from inside " Im almost 24, I need to find a husband before I'm too old, NOW!"
"If I'm twenty then I need to find my husband in exactly 3 years.."
"Why cant I find a guy? is it cause I'm not pretty enough or smart enough. Im running out of time"
I wonder why people are feeling this way.. Christians tend to marry young and the pressure to find a husband by a certain age is strong. The reality is that God does not set time restrictions on us, he will bring that person into our lives when the timing is right. So why should we inflict ourselves with the pain that comes if we surpass the age restriction we set and are still not married?
Purity is a hard thing to wait through and many Christians tend to marry early so that they can be intimate with each other. They do not get married early because they are too old in Gods eyes or the world's eyes. Take a look at Abraham and Sarah!
Stats show that the average age of women in Canada who get married is 31! yes 31! and for men it is 34! I was a little surprised when I read this because I had been surrounded by people with the mindset that marriage is to occur in our mid 20's and even I had started to have that mindset myself!
The reality is it's ultimately up to God to bring that person into our lives, we should not worry about when or how he will do it but just trust that he knows best. It is hard to deny the pressure that people in and outside of school put on us to find our perfect match here. If we seek to find this match then we are just asking for the drama and issues which ensue.
When we focus completely on God he will turn us into who he wants us to be. Once we have given him a chance to do that he will open doors, and who knows? our prince might just walk right in ;)
Tess-tify
The second I decided to go to Bible College the teasings began.." you know your going to BRIDAL college right?" or "I'm gonna find you a man!" and even now people ask me "have you found yourself a husband yet?"
The answer which gets played out inside my head is this: "People seriously I am not at Bible College to find myself a freakin husband! I came to Bible college because I am following my calling to serve God completely and fully for the rest of eternity, not to search out the man I will marry. If it happens it happens but I will not go out and search for it because of all the hype. "
Not everyone gets married to someone they meet in Bible college! In fact MOST do not. Say that 20% of couples who meet at Bible college get engaged each year. This seems like alot in comparsion to other schools but what about the entire other 80%? People make it out to be a place of divine matchmaking. This brings people whos main purpose is to find a spouse and puts pressure on those who come for the main purpose to grow with God.
I am one of those people feeling the pressure. I came to Bible College because I had been called to music ministry but due to all the hype before, I couldnt help but wonder if I would find my husband there.
This is such a distraction. If we spend all our time trying to figure out who our potential husband could be with the false hope that we will in fact find one there, we end up missing out on the valuable time that God wants to spend with us. I believe Bible College is meant by God to be a place of shaping, fixing, and molding us into the leaders we are called to be.
Sometimes I can feel people screaming from inside " Im almost 24, I need to find a husband before I'm too old, NOW!"
"If I'm twenty then I need to find my husband in exactly 3 years.."
"Why cant I find a guy? is it cause I'm not pretty enough or smart enough. Im running out of time"
I wonder why people are feeling this way.. Christians tend to marry young and the pressure to find a husband by a certain age is strong. The reality is that God does not set time restrictions on us, he will bring that person into our lives when the timing is right. So why should we inflict ourselves with the pain that comes if we surpass the age restriction we set and are still not married?
Purity is a hard thing to wait through and many Christians tend to marry early so that they can be intimate with each other. They do not get married early because they are too old in Gods eyes or the world's eyes. Take a look at Abraham and Sarah!
Stats show that the average age of women in Canada who get married is 31! yes 31! and for men it is 34! I was a little surprised when I read this because I had been surrounded by people with the mindset that marriage is to occur in our mid 20's and even I had started to have that mindset myself!
The reality is it's ultimately up to God to bring that person into our lives, we should not worry about when or how he will do it but just trust that he knows best. It is hard to deny the pressure that people in and outside of school put on us to find our perfect match here. If we seek to find this match then we are just asking for the drama and issues which ensue.
When we focus completely on God he will turn us into who he wants us to be. Once we have given him a chance to do that he will open doors, and who knows? our prince might just walk right in ;)
Tess-tify
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Lover of My Soul
My stomach tosses and turns when you call me beautiful. My mind spins faster than a top and my heart pumps against my chest.
My whole being fills with longing for the deep things inside of me only you can satisfy. I cannot contain the thoughts that you would sacrifice everything for me, your child.
I get all jittery knowing that you are always with me and will never leave. Although sometimes it feels like you have left, I know that you never do, and it is me who blocks you out.
I hate it when I hurt you, when I do not listen to what you have to say. It pierces my soul. You lead me into peace with your forgiveness.
You heart breaks for us. Your thoughts are consumed with us. Your crazy for us.
Romans 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I can't even imagine how great your love is for me, everyday I am understanding more. My whole being bursts with joy because you are alive and nothing can ever separate us.
Its kinda funny because whenever I enter the presence of God I am so overcome and overwhelmed with happiness that I cry. Occasionally my thoughts shift to what other people must be thinking, do they think that I am hurt or ashamed? do they think that I must have done something really horrible and am confessing it all to God? do they think this or do they think that.
I worry about what others will think of my tears and it breaks the deep connection I am having with him. Why? because I am focusing on myself rather than on God. In the book I'm reading called Exploring Worship it says that "a worshiper is one whose perspective is being expanded, whose focus is decreasingly on self, and whose interests are flamed by the passion of God himself." This is so true. As soon as my focus moves to myself I am lost.
"The goal for our worship should be that we come to the point where we do not see anyone or anything around us, but we become totally taken up with God."
I will not worry about what others think of my tears but will allow God to consume me, take me in, body, heart, and soul. It is not the opinions of others which matter after all, only Gods.
I encourage you to ignore the distraction of wondering what others may think. Stand before the Lord undignified and offer yourself fully to him.
2 Sam 6:22 "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. "
I want to worship with no inhibitions, I will strive to view my tears as a gifts from God rather than a bother. I cherish those times of intimacy with my creator, they fill me with overwhelming happiness and deep insight into who he really is.
Jesus, Lover of My Soul.
Jesus, I will never let You go.
You've taken me from the miry clay,
Set my feet upon a rock, and now I know.
I love You, I need You.
Though my world may fall,
I'll never let You go.
My Savior, my closest friend,
I will worship You until the very end.
Tess-timony <3
My whole being fills with longing for the deep things inside of me only you can satisfy. I cannot contain the thoughts that you would sacrifice everything for me, your child.
I get all jittery knowing that you are always with me and will never leave. Although sometimes it feels like you have left, I know that you never do, and it is me who blocks you out.
I hate it when I hurt you, when I do not listen to what you have to say. It pierces my soul. You lead me into peace with your forgiveness.
You heart breaks for us. Your thoughts are consumed with us. Your crazy for us.
Romans 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I can't even imagine how great your love is for me, everyday I am understanding more. My whole being bursts with joy because you are alive and nothing can ever separate us.
Its kinda funny because whenever I enter the presence of God I am so overcome and overwhelmed with happiness that I cry. Occasionally my thoughts shift to what other people must be thinking, do they think that I am hurt or ashamed? do they think that I must have done something really horrible and am confessing it all to God? do they think this or do they think that.
I worry about what others will think of my tears and it breaks the deep connection I am having with him. Why? because I am focusing on myself rather than on God. In the book I'm reading called Exploring Worship it says that "a worshiper is one whose perspective is being expanded, whose focus is decreasingly on self, and whose interests are flamed by the passion of God himself." This is so true. As soon as my focus moves to myself I am lost.
"The goal for our worship should be that we come to the point where we do not see anyone or anything around us, but we become totally taken up with God."
I will not worry about what others think of my tears but will allow God to consume me, take me in, body, heart, and soul. It is not the opinions of others which matter after all, only Gods.
I encourage you to ignore the distraction of wondering what others may think. Stand before the Lord undignified and offer yourself fully to him.
2 Sam 6:22 "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. "
I want to worship with no inhibitions, I will strive to view my tears as a gifts from God rather than a bother. I cherish those times of intimacy with my creator, they fill me with overwhelming happiness and deep insight into who he really is.
Jesus, Lover of My Soul.
Jesus, I will never let You go.
You've taken me from the miry clay,
Set my feet upon a rock, and now I know.
I love You, I need You.
Though my world may fall,
I'll never let You go.
My Savior, my closest friend,
I will worship You until the very end.
Tess-timony <3
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
You can't walk away from it..Isaiah 61
I bundled up in my warm winter jacket and prepared to go out into the heavy rain that I watched drip down my windows. The long bus ride to work would soon become a reality. At first I stood at the bus stop impatient and annoyed that I was getting wet, but as I looked around and reflected on God's ability to make something like rain, despised and unwanted, beautiful, my mind drifted elsewhere.
I got off at the usual spot, underneath an overpass by the main highway and walked toward my destination. I smiled at the men who had set up camp under the shelter there and talked with them as they remarked about the weather. My heart broke for them. Here I was in a warm jacket with a place to go and they had nowhere. I wanted so badly to take my Starbucks card and run over to Safeway and buy them each a hot chocolate. My bus was scheduled to come in 5 min and I was already gonna be late for work so I didn't, but I promised myself to do it in the week ahead of me.
I'm sure that so many people have walked to the bus stop just as I have and ignored them. These men are probably so used to it that it doesn't even hurt anymore.
My friend and also coworker and I briefly talked a little about why people grow closer to God in the midst of adversity this evening. He mentioned something like "I'm so full of emotion and fired up that I can actually feel something, that I call out to God even more..". The hurt and emotion these homeless people have is so buried that is barely recognizable anymore. It has been there for so long that they just get used to it, and it becomes the sad but distant background music of their lives.
Once I was on the bus I watched the people as they got on. This one woman stood near the front and pulled out a lighter, a syringe and some other things and placed them on the seat. She injected right there on the bus, the children in front of me as witnesses. Though appalled at first, God reminded me of his heart for her and the pain that he was enduring to see his own child do this.
I used to help out at a homeless shelter in the depths of the Vancouver Eastside. Although I only got to go a few times, I learned so much, wisdom that will never leave me. This one man that I sat with pulled out a wrinkled picture of his daughter and looked at it with adoration. He told me he wished more than anything that he could see her more. His job was paying him minimum wage but he was saving up to buy her a bike for her birthday. Talk about sacrifice! This one man taught me two things 1.) Our family is priceless 2.) Why is it that those who have lost it all are willing to give anything to those important to them whereas those who have all they need struggle to give even a little?
Another woman I talked to told me about how she had everything, a loving family, a home to live in, a school to go to but yet when she started smoking marijuana in high school all of that was taken away from her..She had gone to law school for 2 years, dreaming of the day when she would become a law secretary but because of her criminal record due to her addiction, her chance was thrown away. She has two girls whom she is not allowed to see but imagines everyday the time when she might get to see them again. This one woman taught me three things 1.) Hope is never lost 2.) We can learn so much from others mistakes 3.) We take so much for granted.
Freedom is available to all in Jesus Christ. His grace washes away our history, our past our mistakes, like the rain as it revives creation.
We have been called to help those who we sometimes see as helpless. We are all broken, we are all ashamed, no one is beyond the grips of our sovereign God.
We are so BLIND people! We are so BLESSED! We are CALLED to bring Gods hope to the hopeless, make known his love for the unloved, and proclaim the freedom we have been given through his sacrifice!
Put aside your fears and doubts and worries, the contempt this world tells us to feel for those who are less fortunate. Even a smile can bring happiness to those who feel like they have been isolated from the world in which they live. Dont walk by with your head down! A small sacrifice on our part can make the biggest difference.
Isaiah 61 - 1,2 1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn"
Break my heart from what breaks yours, Everything I am for your kingdoms cause, As I go from nothing to Eternity.
Tess-tify
Monday, January 12, 2009
PLBC Here I Come!
This is my first day as an official "dorm citizen" and let me tell you it is freakin awesome! I feel so at home here at Plbc, I got my Saviour, my comfy pants, friends who will be there for me at any time of the day, and of course my chocolate WHOPPERS. The community is small so we all get to know each other super fast..as soon as I stepped in I felt welcome. Dorm life consists of deep discussions, smelly rooms, laughter 24/7, tons of junk food everywhere, many trips to timmys, nights spent entirely on homework, and so much more too obscure for adult ears.
The best part though is the passion for God felt in every smile, encouraging comment and hug (em's are the best). Most students top priority is to learn and grow closer to God and it is very rewarding to see him working in the lives of them as each day passes.
(I wanna yell) There is no one like our God! For greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done on this campus!
Tessaroonie
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING
The author of this post has a serious case of dancing jitters, spontaneous singing outbursts, and crazy character imitations when low on sleep and high on caffeine.
Her roomate is a paparazzi, has a tendency to injure herself on strange objects, and can bust a move like no one else.
MUAHAHAHAH ;)
The best part though is the passion for God felt in every smile, encouraging comment and hug (em's are the best). Most students top priority is to learn and grow closer to God and it is very rewarding to see him working in the lives of them as each day passes.
(I wanna yell) There is no one like our God! For greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done on this campus!
Tessaroonie
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING
The author of this post has a serious case of dancing jitters, spontaneous singing outbursts, and crazy character imitations when low on sleep and high on caffeine.
Her roomate is a paparazzi, has a tendency to injure herself on strange objects, and can bust a move like no one else.
MUAHAHAHAH ;)
Friday, January 9, 2009
Facing the Sting of Pain
We've all felt it and we can all relate. Although physical pain really hurts, the burn of emotional pain usually lasts longer. I remember being scared out of my wits as a child of getting a spanking but as I grew older I began to see spankings as a blessing..when faced with the choice of a couple minutes of sheer physical pain versus missing out on a time with my friends I would take the spanking anyday. I've had alot of pain in my life, pain from feeling like my family didnt know me and saw me as something I was not, pain from friends who I trusted turning their backs on me, pain from the betrayal of those I loved the most. I know we all have.
We each react to it differently. Some of us store it up inside until explodes, some of us wear it on our sleeve, some of us store it in a corner and let it fester until it turns to hate, some of us seek "drugs" to numb it, and some of us try to run away (but it always catches up).
It is what we do with the pain that we feel that determines whether or not that pain can and will be used to help us grow stronger or leave us more bitter than the start. I believe that we feel pain to make us perservere and give God an opportunity to comfort us and offer us strength when we are weak. Ultimately it will be our choice whether we decide to take his help or try to handle it on our own.
The way I dealt with pain was by running away from it and letting it turn to bitterness. I still struggle facing hurts from the past. God is slowly but surely softening my heart. When I allow him to help me, rely on him for guidance, and take up forgiveness all that bitterness sifts away leaving only love. Only with his help can we "Love our enemies" and "Forgive our persecutors".
There are going to be many painful times ahead I know. I also know that as long as I have my father by my side (Hes promised he will never leave me) I can get through it all. I've always wondered why people turn away from God in the times they need him the most. Why it seems they cry out to him in only the most desperate times when there is already so much damage to their hearts that could have been fixed already.
When we allow him, he will transform grief into happiness, pain into love, and erase regret. It takes time, our hearts are fragile and easily broken but he will heal all our pain if we let him. He is in agony and pain from what we've done to him and to ourselves so he understands exactly how we feel.
I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord
I'm pressed but not crushed
persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength
Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Colossians 1:11-12 "God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient. And you will joyfully give thanks to the Father who has made you able to have a share in all that he has prepared for his people in the kingdom of light."
Its an easy trade that by grace we were given. Trade your pain, Trade your sorrows, Trade your shame for the Joy of the Lord.
Tess-tify
We each react to it differently. Some of us store it up inside until explodes, some of us wear it on our sleeve, some of us store it in a corner and let it fester until it turns to hate, some of us seek "drugs" to numb it, and some of us try to run away (but it always catches up).
It is what we do with the pain that we feel that determines whether or not that pain can and will be used to help us grow stronger or leave us more bitter than the start. I believe that we feel pain to make us perservere and give God an opportunity to comfort us and offer us strength when we are weak. Ultimately it will be our choice whether we decide to take his help or try to handle it on our own.
The way I dealt with pain was by running away from it and letting it turn to bitterness. I still struggle facing hurts from the past. God is slowly but surely softening my heart. When I allow him to help me, rely on him for guidance, and take up forgiveness all that bitterness sifts away leaving only love. Only with his help can we "Love our enemies" and "Forgive our persecutors".
There are going to be many painful times ahead I know. I also know that as long as I have my father by my side (Hes promised he will never leave me) I can get through it all. I've always wondered why people turn away from God in the times they need him the most. Why it seems they cry out to him in only the most desperate times when there is already so much damage to their hearts that could have been fixed already.
When we allow him, he will transform grief into happiness, pain into love, and erase regret. It takes time, our hearts are fragile and easily broken but he will heal all our pain if we let him. He is in agony and pain from what we've done to him and to ourselves so he understands exactly how we feel.
I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord
I'm pressed but not crushed
persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength
Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Colossians 1:11-12 "God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient. And you will joyfully give thanks to the Father who has made you able to have a share in all that he has prepared for his people in the kingdom of light."
Its an easy trade that by grace we were given. Trade your pain, Trade your sorrows, Trade your shame for the Joy of the Lord.
Tess-tify
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Looking Inside Ourselves....
Do you ever feel like everything is going great and you are so happy but deep down inside something isnt right..
But it is driving you crazy because you dont know what it is?
or maybe you do but you just dont want to admit it..
Psalm 139: 23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
God put this verse on my heart tonight. He wants me to reflect on who I am, who he wants me to be and desire to change in order to become that woman.
I want him to find any offensive ways in me and show me what they are and how I can fix them. I want him to look down on me and smile and be pleased with who I am becoming.
It is so easy for us Christians to criticize others and set ourselves on a higher pedestal than them because they have "committed this sin and we havent". No one is more "HOLY" than another. We have ALL sinned and disobeyed.
Romans 14: 1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.
4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
10You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat.
11It is written: " 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me;every tongue will confess to God.' "
12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.
God wants us to look at our own errors, not at others. We should desire to please him in everything, even if it means we need to be broken first. If we see our brother stumbling we should help, encourage and forgive him.
I am working on this. When I find myself judging others I will ask the Lord to judge me. This is my prayer.
Reveal to me my weakness (for only you know everything about me), Help me to fix it (for I can do it through your strength), and Lead me in your way Everlasting (for only you know what is best for me).
Tess-timony
But it is driving you crazy because you dont know what it is?
or maybe you do but you just dont want to admit it..
Psalm 139: 23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
God put this verse on my heart tonight. He wants me to reflect on who I am, who he wants me to be and desire to change in order to become that woman.
I want him to find any offensive ways in me and show me what they are and how I can fix them. I want him to look down on me and smile and be pleased with who I am becoming.
It is so easy for us Christians to criticize others and set ourselves on a higher pedestal than them because they have "committed this sin and we havent". No one is more "HOLY" than another. We have ALL sinned and disobeyed.
Romans 14: 1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.
4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
10You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat.
11It is written: " 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me;every tongue will confess to God.' "
12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.
God wants us to look at our own errors, not at others. We should desire to please him in everything, even if it means we need to be broken first. If we see our brother stumbling we should help, encourage and forgive him.
I am working on this. When I find myself judging others I will ask the Lord to judge me. This is my prayer.
Reveal to me my weakness (for only you know everything about me), Help me to fix it (for I can do it through your strength), and Lead me in your way Everlasting (for only you know what is best for me).
Tess-timony
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