Relationships ?!

So here is me putting myself out there..

First of all this thing called relationships is all new to me, in fact I would not even consider it to be new at all seeing as I have never been in one. All throughout school I had never really experienced one of those all-consuming crushes that many girls are inflicted with. My friends would tell me this and that about the boy they liked but my answer to the anticipated question "Do you like anyone?" was usually the same. "Not really..". There was one in elementary school and one middle school that I liked longer than a month but most of them were short-lived.

I found myself liking the idea of the guy rather than the actual guy himself. I could picture what people would say about us, what we would do together, how we would hang out and was smitten. Soon this idea would wear off and I would be back to my same original answer.

Now sheepishly I will admit that I am still in the NBK club. (if you dont know what this is then sorry ) When I was 16 & 17 I used to think that something was wrong with me. Sure guys liked me, but my life seemed to be a neverending cycle of rejection. I would reject them and the guys I was interested in rejected me. I sought out their attention and tried to impress them but my attempts always failed. This insecurity was not revealed until a couple summers ago when God showed me what he wanted out of me. He wanted my confidence to come from him and not from Guys.

I used be impatient with God, asking him why he hadn't brought anyone into my life yet. This is what he told me.

My daughter do not worry. I have made you to be in relationship and will bring someone special into your life when my time is right. You must seek me first above all else "Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.", and I will fill all the desires of your heart "Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.". Only when you done this I will bring you the man of your dreams. I am a zealous God and I do not want to be second best. You can get caught up in the love and attention of him and will not seek the relationship you were meant to have with me. Only when I am first in your life and love me more than anybody else will I fulfill all the desires of your heart, the one you long for.

I have learned what that means, to put God first above all else. Although I am still growing, being romanced by him is more satisfying than any man ever could be. He has given me confidence that I am his beautiful creation and his love for me reaches beyond the ends of the earth.

Our identity and who we are in Christ can get lost if we are constantly falling in and out of relationships. God wants us to find our identity in him and I believe it is very hard to do that when in a relationship.

On the letter of wisdom that my youth pastor gave me he told us to try not to date until the age of 21, to find our identity in Christ. Although I am not going to put an age limit on when I will be in a relationship, I will say this, "God needs to be first priority for both sides of the relationship." Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. This cord is a man, woman, and God. The relationship must be founded in God and supported by him to remain strong through thickness and in thin, better or for worse.

Heres a little secret, #1 on the list is that my future husband must love God more than me, and understand that I will always love God more than him. Sometimes it feels funny to watch my friends all enter into relationships and be the one who is still single. I do not mind being single at all because it gives me a chance to grow on my own and discover who I am and who God has made me to be.

I know God will bring that man into my life one day and it will be the most indescribibly amazing thing ever but until then ... I will continue to spend time getting to know my Saviour even more.

Tessaling <3