Discipline is something that has gained a negative meaning to most. When I hear the word discipline I think of the countless timeouts, spankings and groundings I went through as a kid, punishments which I grew to hate.
My parents would always say "We are disciplining you!" so I associated the consequence with the discipline and thus despised the word. I always saw punishment as a release of their anger. It felt like their spankings were full of contempt, it felt like it pleased them to see things taken away from me, it felt like the accusations and hurtful words were said before they thought about the damage they would do.
I viewed discipline as a weapon used by my parents to get what they wanted..in other words control! but control is very different than discipline and I think that the two words get mixed up.
What is discipline? It is correction! and to correct means to make right. When we do something wrong it feels good once its made right again. If its just left untouched then it begins to fester like a painful pimple. If its dealt with the wrong way, like popping a pimple (beg to differ with me but I think that putting medication on it is much better) then more of these problems or pimples will pop up (ouch!).
Humans are imperfect, sinful beings, so the discipline that they enforce is also imperfect sometimes. However this does not mean that we should disobey them or go against their authority.
As I was flipping through my bible today I came across a passage that talks about God's discipline.
What is God's discipline? It is loving correction.
Hebrews 12: 5-6 "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
He disciplines us to only lead us back to the right path..and on that path there is freedom!
By allowing him to discipline us it gives us freedom!
Ever heard the quote "Some people think that freedom is the opposite of discipline, I would say that it's the result."
God is FREEDOM. You want that? Submit to his discipline first- however hard it will be. He will never give you more than you can handle. Be humble and praise him in all circumstances.
1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
1Peter 5:6 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time."
Tess-tify ;)
Monday, March 2, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Friends I never knew I had..
When I was younger I could go away for weeks in the summer and rarely feel lonely- in fact I thrived when I was away from home in someplace new.
It seemed that in the 3 years I worked as a counselor at Timberline Ranch I always seemed to get the really homesick campers in my cabin - ones who would cry night after night despite all my attempts to console them (including letting them sleep in my bed with me). I learned how to be patient and comforting but could never quite understand what it felt like to miss my family that much.
I was a spirited child - I saw my life as that of a wild stallion - beautiful and free. If I felt held down at home, getting away from it was complete bliss. I did appreciate the home and family I had..but not enough.
Now that I am away from my parents and living on dorms, I am becoming more grateful for their dedication to me each and every day. I get to see them once a week on thurs, when I go back to Coquitlam to volunteer as a leader for MSY. Time spent with them is precious and I realize that there is so much about their lives that I still do not know.
But I want to know! I want to know what their goals and dreams and lives were like when they were young adults! The gift of their wisdom is sitting in front of me ready to open! Why havent I wanted to unwrap it before? because I have been selfish, wanting to figure out things my own way rather than asking them for help.
My mom drove me home from school on Thurs and I can honestly say that there was nowhere else I would have rather been than sitting in that car, stuck in 4:30 Surrey traffic, talking with her, asking her questions about her life, and taking everything in. After MSY that night I spontaneously took my Dad out for coffee. I dont know if I have ever spent hours just talking to him about life and seeking his advice before. I think I learned more about him in those 2 and half hours than in the past 2 months!
Getting to know my parents as friends is even more rewarding than I could have imagined. They have wisdom and insight that no friends my age can offer - plus they know me better than anyone =) what more could I ask for?
The more time I spend building relationship with my parents and learning from their experience, the more I look forward to seeing them when I get the opportunity. It is freakin awesome! I desire to know them so well that I will not look back when they pass away and regret taking time I could have spent getting to know them for granted.
I challenge you to spend time getting to know your parents better...Invest it wisely! Seek their advice and you will not only gain a greater relationship with them and valuable wisdom, you will also learn about yourself in the process! Parents are Gifts of Wisdom from God placed before us.
Proverbs 23:22 "Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old."
Colossians 3:20 "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."
Unwrap them! and you just might be surprised ;)
Tessifer
It seemed that in the 3 years I worked as a counselor at Timberline Ranch I always seemed to get the really homesick campers in my cabin - ones who would cry night after night despite all my attempts to console them (including letting them sleep in my bed with me). I learned how to be patient and comforting but could never quite understand what it felt like to miss my family that much.
I was a spirited child - I saw my life as that of a wild stallion - beautiful and free. If I felt held down at home, getting away from it was complete bliss. I did appreciate the home and family I had..but not enough.
Now that I am away from my parents and living on dorms, I am becoming more grateful for their dedication to me each and every day. I get to see them once a week on thurs, when I go back to Coquitlam to volunteer as a leader for MSY. Time spent with them is precious and I realize that there is so much about their lives that I still do not know.
But I want to know! I want to know what their goals and dreams and lives were like when they were young adults! The gift of their wisdom is sitting in front of me ready to open! Why havent I wanted to unwrap it before? because I have been selfish, wanting to figure out things my own way rather than asking them for help.
My mom drove me home from school on Thurs and I can honestly say that there was nowhere else I would have rather been than sitting in that car, stuck in 4:30 Surrey traffic, talking with her, asking her questions about her life, and taking everything in. After MSY that night I spontaneously took my Dad out for coffee. I dont know if I have ever spent hours just talking to him about life and seeking his advice before. I think I learned more about him in those 2 and half hours than in the past 2 months!
Getting to know my parents as friends is even more rewarding than I could have imagined. They have wisdom and insight that no friends my age can offer - plus they know me better than anyone =) what more could I ask for?
The more time I spend building relationship with my parents and learning from their experience, the more I look forward to seeing them when I get the opportunity. It is freakin awesome! I desire to know them so well that I will not look back when they pass away and regret taking time I could have spent getting to know them for granted.
I challenge you to spend time getting to know your parents better...Invest it wisely! Seek their advice and you will not only gain a greater relationship with them and valuable wisdom, you will also learn about yourself in the process! Parents are Gifts of Wisdom from God placed before us.
Proverbs 23:22 "Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old."
Colossians 3:20 "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."
Unwrap them! and you just might be surprised ;)
Tessifer
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
What to blog about? The many things on my heart
So I havent blogged in a while and I miss it ...the only prob is that I dont know what to blog about.
Maybe I could blog about how I miss everyone at school; I miss each of their smiles; I miss each of their laughs; I miss the way we all fit together with our different personalities to make one family; but yet I know that the time we spend apart will just make our reunion so much better.
Or Maybe I could blog about how it is so nice to be on a break, to be able to sit and reflect on the past semester. I purposefully left my days quite empty because I know that I will get to spend even more time talking with my father one on one, no distractions, just me and him.
Or Maybe I could blog about the confusion I'm feeling..this world fails you and me so much. God is my solid rock and firm foundation that will keep me standing when everything else crumbles. My mind may race a million miles a min when I try to fall asleep each night but when I trust he puts it at ease.
Or Maybe I could blog about a little of the anxiety I'm feeling about my future. I know the plan he has is great for me and I know I have been called to bring him glory through music but I dont know how he wants me to do that. I say that I trust he's got it all covered and I do, its just there is still a small part of me that wishes so badly he would reveal some of it to me now.
Or Maybe I could blog about how you and I underestimate God sometimes. His power is so great and we know that, but yet we often doubt that our prayers will be answered, that he will reveal himself to those around us, or even that he is using us. He has shown me countless times how when I trust he works through me, but yet sometimes I doubt it, and he blows my mind with his power!
Or Maybe I could blog about secrecy. This is something that God has been working on with me in the past little while! I love sharing things that hes put on my heart with people or encouraging others with things that I've done but sometimes that is not always best. The pleasure that comes from doing something pleasing to God without anyone else knowing is amazing. One of the students in my spiritual formation class put it as "having an inside joke or secret with God". Think about it, one of the reasons our best friends are the "best" is because they know things about us that no one else knows.
Matthew 6:3-4 "But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
One of my life verses that has always helped me to remember to go back to God with everything and not try to do things alone is Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Lord please help me to trust in you with all that is in me. Help me to rest assured that your plan is far too great for me to understand. Teach me to lean not on my own understanding but to rely on you in everything. To rely on you for strength, wisdom, peace, and to never underestimate your power. Use me for your will, your good and perfect and pleasing will. I want my life to be testimony to your goodness and my words to glorify you.
Tess-timony
Maybe I could blog about how I miss everyone at school; I miss each of their smiles; I miss each of their laughs; I miss the way we all fit together with our different personalities to make one family; but yet I know that the time we spend apart will just make our reunion so much better.
Or Maybe I could blog about how it is so nice to be on a break, to be able to sit and reflect on the past semester. I purposefully left my days quite empty because I know that I will get to spend even more time talking with my father one on one, no distractions, just me and him.
Or Maybe I could blog about the confusion I'm feeling..this world fails you and me so much. God is my solid rock and firm foundation that will keep me standing when everything else crumbles. My mind may race a million miles a min when I try to fall asleep each night but when I trust he puts it at ease.
Or Maybe I could blog about a little of the anxiety I'm feeling about my future. I know the plan he has is great for me and I know I have been called to bring him glory through music but I dont know how he wants me to do that. I say that I trust he's got it all covered and I do, its just there is still a small part of me that wishes so badly he would reveal some of it to me now.
Or Maybe I could blog about how you and I underestimate God sometimes. His power is so great and we know that, but yet we often doubt that our prayers will be answered, that he will reveal himself to those around us, or even that he is using us. He has shown me countless times how when I trust he works through me, but yet sometimes I doubt it, and he blows my mind with his power!
Or Maybe I could blog about secrecy. This is something that God has been working on with me in the past little while! I love sharing things that hes put on my heart with people or encouraging others with things that I've done but sometimes that is not always best. The pleasure that comes from doing something pleasing to God without anyone else knowing is amazing. One of the students in my spiritual formation class put it as "having an inside joke or secret with God". Think about it, one of the reasons our best friends are the "best" is because they know things about us that no one else knows.
Matthew 6:3-4 "But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
One of my life verses that has always helped me to remember to go back to God with everything and not try to do things alone is Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Lord please help me to trust in you with all that is in me. Help me to rest assured that your plan is far too great for me to understand. Teach me to lean not on my own understanding but to rely on you in everything. To rely on you for strength, wisdom, peace, and to never underestimate your power. Use me for your will, your good and perfect and pleasing will. I want my life to be testimony to your goodness and my words to glorify you.
Tess-timony
Friday, February 20, 2009
Lighthouse Rescuer
My eyes are wide-open peering into this deep abyss of your love. Extending above the horizon is your tower that is unmoving. Nothing can wear it down. I cling to its firm foundation.
The lies of your enemy can not tear me down when I am soaked in your truth. The corrosion of the worlds changing tides beat down on me and I let go- pulled farther by each current. I am left vulnerable and insecure.
But still you stand. I know where to go. I cry for rescue- apart from you. Nothing to grab ahold of but the sharp ragged edges. Crashing against the rocks I wince in agony.
The lighthouse pulses but I am afraid. If I get too close will I be exposed.
Echoes of my cries reverberate into the distance- lost and gone- but I know you hear them.
Notes of sweet joy wash over my ears. I can hear you calling me to safety and warmth. NO! I stumble away- the dark caves swallow me.
You cannot- mustn't see me like this. Ignorant grief drips down my face darkening the surface of stones below.
Min, hours, seconds pass; Broken, Bruised and Ashamed I cannot deny you any longer.
I climb out of the opening- pursueing the light. You are closer than I thought. Stepping into the cold rushing depths I swim desperately toward you.
My wounds sting- salt pierces every open cut- cleansing me wholly.
My gaze fixes upon your illuminated smile.
I lose focus- sinking slowly my vision blurs. Panic overtakes me, Hope seems lost, but then I feel your arms wrap around me pulling us toward the surface.
Feet touching bottom, I gasp for air. You pull me out and kiss my forehead. Wrap a blanket around my shoulders- you knew I would come back to you. No words need to be said. Your eyes speak of a love greater than all my iniquities.
My inflictions are healed by your touch. I am aware of the scratches that used to marr my body- they no longer exist.
Peace floods my spirit. Joy cannot be contained. I take your hand. My rescuer, lead me towards the lighthouse, lead me home.
The lies of your enemy can not tear me down when I am soaked in your truth. The corrosion of the worlds changing tides beat down on me and I let go- pulled farther by each current. I am left vulnerable and insecure.
But still you stand. I know where to go. I cry for rescue- apart from you. Nothing to grab ahold of but the sharp ragged edges. Crashing against the rocks I wince in agony.
The lighthouse pulses but I am afraid. If I get too close will I be exposed.
Echoes of my cries reverberate into the distance- lost and gone- but I know you hear them.
Notes of sweet joy wash over my ears. I can hear you calling me to safety and warmth. NO! I stumble away- the dark caves swallow me.
You cannot- mustn't see me like this. Ignorant grief drips down my face darkening the surface of stones below.
Min, hours, seconds pass; Broken, Bruised and Ashamed I cannot deny you any longer.
I climb out of the opening- pursueing the light. You are closer than I thought. Stepping into the cold rushing depths I swim desperately toward you.
My wounds sting- salt pierces every open cut- cleansing me wholly.
My gaze fixes upon your illuminated smile.
I lose focus- sinking slowly my vision blurs. Panic overtakes me, Hope seems lost, but then I feel your arms wrap around me pulling us toward the surface.
Feet touching bottom, I gasp for air. You pull me out and kiss my forehead. Wrap a blanket around my shoulders- you knew I would come back to you. No words need to be said. Your eyes speak of a love greater than all my iniquities.
My inflictions are healed by your touch. I am aware of the scratches that used to marr my body- they no longer exist.
Peace floods my spirit. Joy cannot be contained. I take your hand. My rescuer, lead me towards the lighthouse, lead me home.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Peace that passes all understanding.
I have been praying for peace for awhile and my request has finally been granted. I cannot even begin to describe what I am feeling - overwhelming joy and thankfulness- I will dance and I will sing to be mad for my king - nothing Lord is hindering this passion in my soul!
Over the past month I've struggled with anxiety, letting my worries get the best of me. I followed Philippian 4: 6-7 almost every day and gave my requests to God each night before bed - asking him for direction and guidance. To be honest I felt like my prayers were hitting a wall and bouncing back. But he was listening the whole time, letting me go through a little agony so that I would be able to recognize his peace when he did choose to give it to me.
As I sat in my cramped up and (messy) dorm room on Saturday and prayed, I was overcome with the peace that I had been waiting for- for so long. The nagging gut feeling I had felt before was lifted off and in its place was a feeling of reassurance and peace. This peace has settled over my heart and my mind and it is not leaving. Although right now I do not know exactly what it is for, I can feel Gods approval over my life and will continue to wait on him.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
Prince of Peace. Take me in- all of me. I choose to follow you and you alone. NOTHING can satisfy me but you. Thank you for making this heavy heart light.
Tess-timony ;)
Over the past month I've struggled with anxiety, letting my worries get the best of me. I followed Philippian 4: 6-7 almost every day and gave my requests to God each night before bed - asking him for direction and guidance. To be honest I felt like my prayers were hitting a wall and bouncing back. But he was listening the whole time, letting me go through a little agony so that I would be able to recognize his peace when he did choose to give it to me.
As I sat in my cramped up and (messy) dorm room on Saturday and prayed, I was overcome with the peace that I had been waiting for- for so long. The nagging gut feeling I had felt before was lifted off and in its place was a feeling of reassurance and peace. This peace has settled over my heart and my mind and it is not leaving. Although right now I do not know exactly what it is for, I can feel Gods approval over my life and will continue to wait on him.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
Prince of Peace. Take me in- all of me. I choose to follow you and you alone. NOTHING can satisfy me but you. Thank you for making this heavy heart light.
Tess-timony ;)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Singleness is a Gift
The Big V day is coming up! and you know what that means..
Stores filled with tasty chocolates, Red roses bought by the dozen to be mailed away, couples holding hands and tickling each other on the streets, billboards plastered with big red hearts and restaurants overflowing with bookings for 2.
Romance is in the air and PDA is everywhere!
I am single and to be honest..I have always been single. But I am ok with that. Many singles despise Valentines day. They watch other couples around them and envy. They complain about the sheer cheesiness and pointlessness of such a day and spend it wondering why they dont have anyone special to spend it with. Sure the media overemphasizes everything and makes fairytale romance seem like everyday reality but why do we have to view being single as a curse!
Singleness is a gift. In the words of Joshua Harris "God gives us singleness-a season of our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning and service-and we view it as a chance to get bogged down in finding and keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. But we dont find the real beauty of singleness in pursueing romance with as many different people as we want. We find the real beauty in using our freedom to serve God with abandon."
Now I am not going to say that I don't desire to have someone to hold me, look into my eyes and tell me that he loves me for me, exactly just the way I am. I'm not going to say I dont desire to have someone to make my heart beat out of my chest and leave me breathless, someone I can laugh with and cry with and spend life serving God with. I do desire it..so much sometimes that it hurts..but I know that by waiting for who God wants for me..and not just giving my heart over to someone who I think will love me because I am too impatient..it will pay off ! The longer you wait for something the more passion and desire you store up for it and the better it is when you actually get it! If we didnt have to wait for it there'd be no anticipation, no build up, no excitement.
Instead of viewing Valentines day as a day only meant for couples to share their love I view it as a day when we can celebrate our love for one another. Love is not just for couples! I am going out for dinner with family on Valentines, and then coming back to my school to spend it with friends and I am so excited! I refuse to spend it wishing I could be someone else or with someone else.
Singleness is God's gift to me and to you. Dont curse it but cherish it! The day will come when you meet that person who is your other half.. but until then....Go out and Spread the LOVE!
Tessaroonie <3>
Stores filled with tasty chocolates, Red roses bought by the dozen to be mailed away, couples holding hands and tickling each other on the streets, billboards plastered with big red hearts and restaurants overflowing with bookings for 2.
Romance is in the air and PDA is everywhere!
I am single and to be honest..I have always been single. But I am ok with that. Many singles despise Valentines day. They watch other couples around them and envy. They complain about the sheer cheesiness and pointlessness of such a day and spend it wondering why they dont have anyone special to spend it with. Sure the media overemphasizes everything and makes fairytale romance seem like everyday reality but why do we have to view being single as a curse!
Singleness is a gift. In the words of Joshua Harris "God gives us singleness-a season of our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning and service-and we view it as a chance to get bogged down in finding and keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. But we dont find the real beauty of singleness in pursueing romance with as many different people as we want. We find the real beauty in using our freedom to serve God with abandon."
Now I am not going to say that I don't desire to have someone to hold me, look into my eyes and tell me that he loves me for me, exactly just the way I am. I'm not going to say I dont desire to have someone to make my heart beat out of my chest and leave me breathless, someone I can laugh with and cry with and spend life serving God with. I do desire it..so much sometimes that it hurts..but I know that by waiting for who God wants for me..and not just giving my heart over to someone who I think will love me because I am too impatient..it will pay off ! The longer you wait for something the more passion and desire you store up for it and the better it is when you actually get it! If we didnt have to wait for it there'd be no anticipation, no build up, no excitement.
Instead of viewing Valentines day as a day only meant for couples to share their love I view it as a day when we can celebrate our love for one another. Love is not just for couples! I am going out for dinner with family on Valentines, and then coming back to my school to spend it with friends and I am so excited! I refuse to spend it wishing I could be someone else or with someone else.
Singleness is God's gift to me and to you. Dont curse it but cherish it! The day will come when you meet that person who is your other half.. but until then....Go out and Spread the LOVE!
Tessaroonie <3>
Friday, February 6, 2009
Confused ??
Confusion. I'm sure we've all suffered from its painful headache causing effect. When I am confused about something I find myself thinking through it OVER and OVER and OVER trying to figure it out. Sometimes when I do understand it is the most exhilarating thing in the world, but I often dont and feel like I am getting closer to reaching insanity with every waking hour.
Now I'm not really talking about the confusion that results from not knowing the answer to a test question or an important fact. Although I will admit that all throughout my school years and even to this day I still take forever and ever to do tests because I think each question OVER and OVER until I am sure I have searched my brain to its deepest depths. The confusion I am talking about comes from relationship. It comes from relationship with friends, family, the opposite sex and even God.
I have always been an overthinker; I give myself this label without hesitation because I know there have been many times when I have thought about a situation too much just to find that it was solved so simply. I don't know..do all girls go through this as much as I do? I know guys prob dont (one of the reasons I enjoy having them as friends is because they dont do this as much). This special ability of mine to think of things in as many different perspectives as possible has come in handy alot of times but its been a big thorn in my flesh at others. God has given me the gift of discernment in many situations and I have been able to understand and recognize things that others wouldnt normally. I have no ability to do this without him, he deserves all the credit. In many other times though it is my human desire for knowledge and understanding that makes my head overheat.
My mind sometimes races a mile a min, I've mentioned in my other blogs how only God can give me peace in those moments. I'm sure I will have also mentioned that I used to worry alot too, this is why one of my life verses is 1 Corinthians 2:9 (no eye has seen..) it reminds me that the plan for my future is greater than I will ever know and that I have nothing to worry about.
Relationships are confusing, partly because the mind is unknown and will only be communicated if a person wants it to be. There is no such thing as mind reading powers except in comics like X men <3.>
So how do we get through confusion? By having faith and thinking simply like a child. By not trying to figure everything out and realizing that sometimes we just got to wait them through. Just like a child trusts his father to take care of him and doesnt doubt, we need to trust that our father will take care of us.
Matthew 18:2-4 He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
I never truly understood what it meant to have "childlike faith" until now. A child relies on his provider for everything; his life is in the hands of those caring for him. We need to rely on our God for everything even though things will often be confusing. He knows our thoughts, He knows our heart, He knows who we truly are and will only provide the best.
You looked into my life and never stopped
and you're thinking all my thoughts
are so simple but so beautiful
and you recite my words right back to me
before i even speak you let me know,
i am understood
you're the only one who understands completely
you're the only one who knows me
yet still loves completely
(Relient K-one of my fav bands-Am I understood)
Tessaling <3>
Now I'm not really talking about the confusion that results from not knowing the answer to a test question or an important fact. Although I will admit that all throughout my school years and even to this day I still take forever and ever to do tests because I think each question OVER and OVER until I am sure I have searched my brain to its deepest depths. The confusion I am talking about comes from relationship. It comes from relationship with friends, family, the opposite sex and even God.
I have always been an overthinker; I give myself this label without hesitation because I know there have been many times when I have thought about a situation too much just to find that it was solved so simply. I don't know..do all girls go through this as much as I do? I know guys prob dont (one of the reasons I enjoy having them as friends is because they dont do this as much). This special ability of mine to think of things in as many different perspectives as possible has come in handy alot of times but its been a big thorn in my flesh at others. God has given me the gift of discernment in many situations and I have been able to understand and recognize things that others wouldnt normally. I have no ability to do this without him, he deserves all the credit. In many other times though it is my human desire for knowledge and understanding that makes my head overheat.
My mind sometimes races a mile a min, I've mentioned in my other blogs how only God can give me peace in those moments. I'm sure I will have also mentioned that I used to worry alot too, this is why one of my life verses is 1 Corinthians 2:9 (no eye has seen..) it reminds me that the plan for my future is greater than I will ever know and that I have nothing to worry about.
Relationships are confusing, partly because the mind is unknown and will only be communicated if a person wants it to be. There is no such thing as mind reading powers except in comics like X men <3.>
So how do we get through confusion? By having faith and thinking simply like a child. By not trying to figure everything out and realizing that sometimes we just got to wait them through. Just like a child trusts his father to take care of him and doesnt doubt, we need to trust that our father will take care of us.
Matthew 18:2-4 He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
I never truly understood what it meant to have "childlike faith" until now. A child relies on his provider for everything; his life is in the hands of those caring for him. We need to rely on our God for everything even though things will often be confusing. He knows our thoughts, He knows our heart, He knows who we truly are and will only provide the best.
You looked into my life and never stopped
and you're thinking all my thoughts
are so simple but so beautiful
and you recite my words right back to me
before i even speak you let me know,
i am understood
you're the only one who understands completely
you're the only one who knows me
yet still loves completely
(Relient K-one of my fav bands-Am I understood)
Tessaling <3>
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Past Has No GRIP on me!
I have always been a burden carrier, people come to me with their problems and things that they need advice on and I always reach out to support them to the best I can. I find though that I start to feel the pain and worries and confusion that they feel and it just ends up causing my mind, body, and soul to ache for them.
God shouts at me "IT IS MINE TO TAKE!" heck thats why he died on the cross to take our penalty, to take our shame, to take our burdens but I still struggle with completely surrendering them to him. Why do I feel like its my burden to take? Why do I feel like I need to rescue people?
God has wiped your and my slate clean. It was stained with our transgressions but he bleached it for us. The past has no grip on us. The things you and I have done should not continually be eating away at us alive. Sure we can regret the things we've done but we should not let it become another heavy burden to carry.
Ever felt like you had a weight tied to your feet, sinking slowly, gasping for air and reaching for the top but getting deeper and deeper until you feel like it is impossible to get out? Thats what I feel like when I try to handle things on my own without God's help, like I'm trying so hard to get somewhere I can't. I held anger for my parents for a long time, hate so deep in my heart that it was barely recognizable. I hated them for controlling me and hurting me so much. Then God showed me the hurt that was stored in their past. The things that their parents had said or done to influence the way that they treated me. He showed me that they hadn't let these things go and that they were still fighting battles within themselves. They are trying to do things on their own but its not working!! I want so badly for them to know that God will heal up these wounds of regret and burdens of their history, hes already paid the price for them. That he will renew them and fill their lives with joy and happiness again, ones that I'm not sure they've ever experienced.
I feel so helpless though. I see the solution so clearly but can only encourage them to seek God for help and be a witness of Gods power. I can't fix it for them! it kills me! I want them to experience the full freedom of Gods grace and forgiveness. I've forgiven them for everything and it has set me free. They have all this regret and anger devouring their souls and their lives, unfortunately I've learned to accept that it gets poured on me.
But I am willing to take this suffering if it means that they will be able to experience God's glory once again. I feel like I have been placed in this family to be a light on their pain. Forgiving ourselves is harder than forgiving others. It is so freakin hard to do. I know that it will be a process for them, that the kind of pain they have is not easily removed, but the first step is asking God for help and admitting that no matter how hard they try they CANNOT do it on their own.
I know he is working in their lives right now, I can tell just by the way my mom gets all teary when she reads my writing or how my dad is starting to encourage me like he never did before. There is so much that God is doing that I cannot see. I trust though that even while it feels sometimes like things are just getting worse, they are in fact getting better and I just have to perservere through them.
Romans 4:25 He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.
Tess
God shouts at me "IT IS MINE TO TAKE!" heck thats why he died on the cross to take our penalty, to take our shame, to take our burdens but I still struggle with completely surrendering them to him. Why do I feel like its my burden to take? Why do I feel like I need to rescue people?
God has wiped your and my slate clean. It was stained with our transgressions but he bleached it for us. The past has no grip on us. The things you and I have done should not continually be eating away at us alive. Sure we can regret the things we've done but we should not let it become another heavy burden to carry.
Ever felt like you had a weight tied to your feet, sinking slowly, gasping for air and reaching for the top but getting deeper and deeper until you feel like it is impossible to get out? Thats what I feel like when I try to handle things on my own without God's help, like I'm trying so hard to get somewhere I can't. I held anger for my parents for a long time, hate so deep in my heart that it was barely recognizable. I hated them for controlling me and hurting me so much. Then God showed me the hurt that was stored in their past. The things that their parents had said or done to influence the way that they treated me. He showed me that they hadn't let these things go and that they were still fighting battles within themselves. They are trying to do things on their own but its not working!! I want so badly for them to know that God will heal up these wounds of regret and burdens of their history, hes already paid the price for them. That he will renew them and fill their lives with joy and happiness again, ones that I'm not sure they've ever experienced.
I feel so helpless though. I see the solution so clearly but can only encourage them to seek God for help and be a witness of Gods power. I can't fix it for them! it kills me! I want them to experience the full freedom of Gods grace and forgiveness. I've forgiven them for everything and it has set me free. They have all this regret and anger devouring their souls and their lives, unfortunately I've learned to accept that it gets poured on me.
But I am willing to take this suffering if it means that they will be able to experience God's glory once again. I feel like I have been placed in this family to be a light on their pain. Forgiving ourselves is harder than forgiving others. It is so freakin hard to do. I know that it will be a process for them, that the kind of pain they have is not easily removed, but the first step is asking God for help and admitting that no matter how hard they try they CANNOT do it on their own.
I know he is working in their lives right now, I can tell just by the way my mom gets all teary when she reads my writing or how my dad is starting to encourage me like he never did before. There is so much that God is doing that I cannot see. I trust though that even while it feels sometimes like things are just getting worse, they are in fact getting better and I just have to perservere through them.
Romans 4:25 He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.
Tess
Friday, January 30, 2009
Taking a step UP
A few months ago God spoke to me deeply about starting up a worship team for the middle school youth group I lead each thursday. It happened the day of the first kick off for the youth group.
He gave me an image of kids jumping and dancing with arms raised praising God, filled with a passion to shout out the name of the One who saved them. Right afterwards I hit my computer and put my vision down in words. I called it (A Vision, A Dream, A Plan of Action)..if you go to my notes on facebook you will find it.
At the time I had just started going to school..I knew nothing about worship leading nor could I play any instruments (unless you count my one chord strumming)! I was reluctant and didnt believe in myself enough to actually take the vision seriously. I had been a part of worship teams but leading one? you got to be kidding me!
I mean I was passionate about the idea but was I dedicated enough to take any ACTION?
A month later the idea was still constantly turning in my thoughts. I wanted to see this thing started but I didnt want to take the responsibility. I had wrote about it but was I actually going to put in the effort to make my words become a reality?
Yes I decided! I passed the idea around among other leaders and talked to the middle school pastor about it and they all agreed it was a great idea. I even mentioned it to a couple of kids I knew would be valuable to the team.
This was a big MISTAKE. Here was I getting everyone hyped up about it but not taking into consideration the time, effort, and energy I would need to put into it. When people would ask me about it I would tell them that things were still getting sorted out..which was half true..the part I forgot to mention was that right now I didnt really have time to sort things out.
Another month went by and the nagging gut feeling I had in my stomach did not go away..I knew that God had called me to this and I was selfishly denying it. I could not keep letting my own insecurities and worries get in the way of doing what I knew I needed to. Deep down I hoped that someone else could lead the team and I could just follow. I worried that the other leaders would not follow me because of my lack of ability to play guitar. I worried that there wouldnt be enough people to play on the team. I worried that I would fail.
But you know what! I would rather try than know that I had given up on God, given up on the vision, given up on the kids, given up on my pastor, and given up on myself. One of my favourite bible stories is in Matthew 14:28-32 8
"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." 29"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" 31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" 32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
Peter took a great step of faith..if he hadnt stepped out of the boat he would have never been able to walk on water; as soon as he started doubting though, he began to sink. This is one of those steppin out of the boat moments for me- If I can have faith to lead this team, something that I have no ability to do on my own and dedicate myself to putting my full effort into it, I know God will work wonders.
I have set about to do it the right way this time. Over the past 2 months I have volunteered to learn sound on wed evenings..I have talked to many other worship leaders about how I should go about starting a team..and once I gained the knowledge to do this..I contacted those who had expressed interest in the team and gave a set date for when we would start practice.
The first practice was last night. I was discouraged at first but God gave me assurance. It went great =) and I am confident that things will continue to go well. We have set practice times over the next month and are scheduled to start playing on the 19th. Things are gonna be difficult- but "I can do all things through him who gives me strength."(Philippians 4:13)
Do something about things God calls you to and the visions he gives you! He wouldnt have given them to you unless he wanted you to turn them into reality! Dont let your insecurities and worries interfere..for who or what is greater than the one you follow..NO ONE and NOTHING! Take a Step UP.
Tessaling :D
He gave me an image of kids jumping and dancing with arms raised praising God, filled with a passion to shout out the name of the One who saved them. Right afterwards I hit my computer and put my vision down in words. I called it (A Vision, A Dream, A Plan of Action)..if you go to my notes on facebook you will find it.
At the time I had just started going to school..I knew nothing about worship leading nor could I play any instruments (unless you count my one chord strumming)! I was reluctant and didnt believe in myself enough to actually take the vision seriously. I had been a part of worship teams but leading one? you got to be kidding me!
I mean I was passionate about the idea but was I dedicated enough to take any ACTION?
A month later the idea was still constantly turning in my thoughts. I wanted to see this thing started but I didnt want to take the responsibility. I had wrote about it but was I actually going to put in the effort to make my words become a reality?
Yes I decided! I passed the idea around among other leaders and talked to the middle school pastor about it and they all agreed it was a great idea. I even mentioned it to a couple of kids I knew would be valuable to the team.
This was a big MISTAKE. Here was I getting everyone hyped up about it but not taking into consideration the time, effort, and energy I would need to put into it. When people would ask me about it I would tell them that things were still getting sorted out..which was half true..the part I forgot to mention was that right now I didnt really have time to sort things out.
Another month went by and the nagging gut feeling I had in my stomach did not go away..I knew that God had called me to this and I was selfishly denying it. I could not keep letting my own insecurities and worries get in the way of doing what I knew I needed to. Deep down I hoped that someone else could lead the team and I could just follow. I worried that the other leaders would not follow me because of my lack of ability to play guitar. I worried that there wouldnt be enough people to play on the team. I worried that I would fail.
But you know what! I would rather try than know that I had given up on God, given up on the vision, given up on the kids, given up on my pastor, and given up on myself. One of my favourite bible stories is in Matthew 14:28-32 8
"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." 29"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" 31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" 32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
Peter took a great step of faith..if he hadnt stepped out of the boat he would have never been able to walk on water; as soon as he started doubting though, he began to sink. This is one of those steppin out of the boat moments for me- If I can have faith to lead this team, something that I have no ability to do on my own and dedicate myself to putting my full effort into it, I know God will work wonders.
I have set about to do it the right way this time. Over the past 2 months I have volunteered to learn sound on wed evenings..I have talked to many other worship leaders about how I should go about starting a team..and once I gained the knowledge to do this..I contacted those who had expressed interest in the team and gave a set date for when we would start practice.
The first practice was last night. I was discouraged at first but God gave me assurance. It went great =) and I am confident that things will continue to go well. We have set practice times over the next month and are scheduled to start playing on the 19th. Things are gonna be difficult- but "I can do all things through him who gives me strength."(Philippians 4:13)
Do something about things God calls you to and the visions he gives you! He wouldnt have given them to you unless he wanted you to turn them into reality! Dont let your insecurities and worries interfere..for who or what is greater than the one you follow..NO ONE and NOTHING! Take a Step UP.
Tessaling :D
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Relationships ?!
So here is me putting myself out there..
First of all this thing called relationships is all new to me, in fact I would not even consider it to be new at all seeing as I have never been in one. All throughout school I had never really experienced one of those all-consuming crushes that many girls are inflicted with. My friends would tell me this and that about the boy they liked but my answer to the anticipated question "Do you like anyone?" was usually the same. "Not really..". There was one in elementary school and one middle school that I liked longer than a month but most of them were short-lived.
I found myself liking the idea of the guy rather than the actual guy himself. I could picture what people would say about us, what we would do together, how we would hang out and was smitten. Soon this idea would wear off and I would be back to my same original answer.
Now sheepishly I will admit that I am still in the NBK club. (if you dont know what this is then sorry ) When I was 16 & 17 I used to think that something was wrong with me. Sure guys liked me, but my life seemed to be a neverending cycle of rejection. I would reject them and the guys I was interested in rejected me. I sought out their attention and tried to impress them but my attempts always failed. This insecurity was not revealed until a couple summers ago when God showed me what he wanted out of me. He wanted my confidence to come from him and not from Guys.
I used be impatient with God, asking him why he hadn't brought anyone into my life yet. This is what he told me.
My daughter do not worry. I have made you to be in relationship and will bring someone special into your life when my time is right. You must seek me first above all else "Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.", and I will fill all the desires of your heart "Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.". Only when you done this I will bring you the man of your dreams. I am a zealous God and I do not want to be second best. You can get caught up in the love and attention of him and will not seek the relationship you were meant to have with me. Only when I am first in your life and love me more than anybody else will I fulfill all the desires of your heart, the one you long for.
I have learned what that means, to put God first above all else. Although I am still growing, being romanced by him is more satisfying than any man ever could be. He has given me confidence that I am his beautiful creation and his love for me reaches beyond the ends of the earth.
Our identity and who we are in Christ can get lost if we are constantly falling in and out of relationships. God wants us to find our identity in him and I believe it is very hard to do that when in a relationship.
On the letter of wisdom that my youth pastor gave me he told us to try not to date until the age of 21, to find our identity in Christ. Although I am not going to put an age limit on when I will be in a relationship, I will say this, "God needs to be first priority for both sides of the relationship." Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. This cord is a man, woman, and God. The relationship must be founded in God and supported by him to remain strong through thickness and in thin, better or for worse.
Heres a little secret, #1 on the list is that my future husband must love God more than me, and understand that I will always love God more than him. Sometimes it feels funny to watch my friends all enter into relationships and be the one who is still single. I do not mind being single at all because it gives me a chance to grow on my own and discover who I am and who God has made me to be.
I know God will bring that man into my life one day and it will be the most indescribibly amazing thing ever but until then ... I will continue to spend time getting to know my Saviour even more.
Tessaling <3
First of all this thing called relationships is all new to me, in fact I would not even consider it to be new at all seeing as I have never been in one. All throughout school I had never really experienced one of those all-consuming crushes that many girls are inflicted with. My friends would tell me this and that about the boy they liked but my answer to the anticipated question "Do you like anyone?" was usually the same. "Not really..". There was one in elementary school and one middle school that I liked longer than a month but most of them were short-lived.
I found myself liking the idea of the guy rather than the actual guy himself. I could picture what people would say about us, what we would do together, how we would hang out and was smitten. Soon this idea would wear off and I would be back to my same original answer.
Now sheepishly I will admit that I am still in the NBK club. (if you dont know what this is then sorry ) When I was 16 & 17 I used to think that something was wrong with me. Sure guys liked me, but my life seemed to be a neverending cycle of rejection. I would reject them and the guys I was interested in rejected me. I sought out their attention and tried to impress them but my attempts always failed. This insecurity was not revealed until a couple summers ago when God showed me what he wanted out of me. He wanted my confidence to come from him and not from Guys.
I used be impatient with God, asking him why he hadn't brought anyone into my life yet. This is what he told me.
My daughter do not worry. I have made you to be in relationship and will bring someone special into your life when my time is right. You must seek me first above all else "Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.", and I will fill all the desires of your heart "Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.". Only when you done this I will bring you the man of your dreams. I am a zealous God and I do not want to be second best. You can get caught up in the love and attention of him and will not seek the relationship you were meant to have with me. Only when I am first in your life and love me more than anybody else will I fulfill all the desires of your heart, the one you long for.
I have learned what that means, to put God first above all else. Although I am still growing, being romanced by him is more satisfying than any man ever could be. He has given me confidence that I am his beautiful creation and his love for me reaches beyond the ends of the earth.
Our identity and who we are in Christ can get lost if we are constantly falling in and out of relationships. God wants us to find our identity in him and I believe it is very hard to do that when in a relationship.
On the letter of wisdom that my youth pastor gave me he told us to try not to date until the age of 21, to find our identity in Christ. Although I am not going to put an age limit on when I will be in a relationship, I will say this, "God needs to be first priority for both sides of the relationship." Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. This cord is a man, woman, and God. The relationship must be founded in God and supported by him to remain strong through thickness and in thin, better or for worse.
Heres a little secret, #1 on the list is that my future husband must love God more than me, and understand that I will always love God more than him. Sometimes it feels funny to watch my friends all enter into relationships and be the one who is still single. I do not mind being single at all because it gives me a chance to grow on my own and discover who I am and who God has made me to be.
I know God will bring that man into my life one day and it will be the most indescribibly amazing thing ever but until then ... I will continue to spend time getting to know my Saviour even more.
Tessaling <3
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Traumatic things USED to define my life..
I've always thought that my tendency to cause teeth biting, lip curling, on the ground in tears, embarrassing moments was a curse. These moments used to plague me. They werent the typical walking into a wall or tripping down the stairs kinda moments, although I have had many of those, these were the kinda things that would have people talking for days. They would make references for weeks afterwards. (and yes the thing they are laughing at in the picture is me lol)
I've never really considered the effect that these had on me as a kid. I would always shrug them off or laugh with people, though deep down I was humiliated. I've realized now that I always wanted peoples approval. I wanted to be liked and I wanted to fit in. I thrived off of it. This just made the sting of insults even more painful.
God has been teaching me that his approval is more important than anybody elses. He has given me confidence in who I am, a beautiful creation. I do not need the opinions of others to affect what I do or how I do it. As long as its for his will-I will go out there and do it with my whole heart no matter what other people will say. This authority he has given me continues to change the way I look at things and how I do them.
Traumatic things still happen to me, ALOT but the difference is that I've learned to accept that they make me, ME. Now whenever something embarrassing happens to me, I shrug it off and laugh knowing that it will make one heck of a story to tell later!
Your crazy, Tessa roonie <3
Monday, January 19, 2009
Putting my Trust in You
Trust is delicate like a piece of thread. Torn so easily but yet so strong. It holds us together but can tear us apart.
Putting my trust in you is hard sometimes. I dont know the future or what your plan is for me. Yet everytime I reach out to you, you never fail me. You have proven yourself as worthy of my trust.This world and the people in it fail us too much; I am so used to being failed that sometimes you seem too good to be true. Always faithful, always forgiving.
Help me to rest in the fact that your plan is greater than anything I can imagine. My purpose is found in you. You alone give me my life, my spirit, my heart. It is you working in me that makes me want to serve and do your will.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Tesstimony
Putting my trust in you is hard sometimes. I dont know the future or what your plan is for me. Yet everytime I reach out to you, you never fail me. You have proven yourself as worthy of my trust.This world and the people in it fail us too much; I am so used to being failed that sometimes you seem too good to be true. Always faithful, always forgiving.
Help me to rest in the fact that your plan is greater than anything I can imagine. My purpose is found in you. You alone give me my life, my spirit, my heart. It is you working in me that makes me want to serve and do your will.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Tesstimony
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I would always
I would always dream of adventure, I would always dream of escape. I would always wish that people could apologize for their mistake.
I would always search for answers to my agony and pain. I would always search for reasons why I would always get the blame.
I would always reflect upon the times of hardships and strife. I would always reflect upon the times I felt you were missing in my life.
I would always find that when I asked you to show me that you were there. I would always find that you found a way to show me that you care.
I'm in awe of your sacrifice, I'm in awe of your name, that you would come and suffer so we didnt have to feel shame.
I always find that you bring comfort to those in need. I always find that you give power to all those you lead.
I always know your purpose is to great for me to understand. I always know my life is in the strongest hand.
Sometimes we go through challenges to develop perserverance. Sometimes we feel pain to help others who are going through the same pain. Sometimes our faith is tested but the rewards will overflow into our lives if we remain faithful. Everyone calls out to God when they are discouraged and broken. I do not regret at one moment any of the trials and hardships in my life.
God has shown me so many times how he can work through my sufferings to help others. Not only does he make me stronger, (for it is in those times that we often call out to God the most), he also helps me to relate and share his truth with others who have gone through the same things. And the best thing is..he never leaves me when I am going through them.
As far as the many difficult things I will face in the many years ahead of me in this journey called life, I will embrace them. I believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason and although I cannot even come close to comprehending the whys, I know they each fit into Gods bigger picture.
SO BRING IT ON!
James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
Tesstimony
I would always search for answers to my agony and pain. I would always search for reasons why I would always get the blame.
I would always reflect upon the times of hardships and strife. I would always reflect upon the times I felt you were missing in my life.
I would always find that when I asked you to show me that you were there. I would always find that you found a way to show me that you care.
I'm in awe of your sacrifice, I'm in awe of your name, that you would come and suffer so we didnt have to feel shame.
I always find that you bring comfort to those in need. I always find that you give power to all those you lead.
I always know your purpose is to great for me to understand. I always know my life is in the strongest hand.
Sometimes we go through challenges to develop perserverance. Sometimes we feel pain to help others who are going through the same pain. Sometimes our faith is tested but the rewards will overflow into our lives if we remain faithful. Everyone calls out to God when they are discouraged and broken. I do not regret at one moment any of the trials and hardships in my life.
God has shown me so many times how he can work through my sufferings to help others. Not only does he make me stronger, (for it is in those times that we often call out to God the most), he also helps me to relate and share his truth with others who have gone through the same things. And the best thing is..he never leaves me when I am going through them.
As far as the many difficult things I will face in the many years ahead of me in this journey called life, I will embrace them. I believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason and although I cannot even come close to comprehending the whys, I know they each fit into Gods bigger picture.
SO BRING IT ON!
James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
Tesstimony
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Feeling the Pressure?
Ok so frankly I am getting a little frustrated with this whole Bridal College cliche.
The second I decided to go to Bible College the teasings began.." you know your going to BRIDAL college right?" or "I'm gonna find you a man!" and even now people ask me "have you found yourself a husband yet?"
The answer which gets played out inside my head is this: "People seriously I am not at Bible College to find myself a freakin husband! I came to Bible college because I am following my calling to serve God completely and fully for the rest of eternity, not to search out the man I will marry. If it happens it happens but I will not go out and search for it because of all the hype. "
Not everyone gets married to someone they meet in Bible college! In fact MOST do not. Say that 20% of couples who meet at Bible college get engaged each year. This seems like alot in comparsion to other schools but what about the entire other 80%? People make it out to be a place of divine matchmaking. This brings people whos main purpose is to find a spouse and puts pressure on those who come for the main purpose to grow with God.
I am one of those people feeling the pressure. I came to Bible College because I had been called to music ministry but due to all the hype before, I couldnt help but wonder if I would find my husband there.
This is such a distraction. If we spend all our time trying to figure out who our potential husband could be with the false hope that we will in fact find one there, we end up missing out on the valuable time that God wants to spend with us. I believe Bible College is meant by God to be a place of shaping, fixing, and molding us into the leaders we are called to be.
Sometimes I can feel people screaming from inside " Im almost 24, I need to find a husband before I'm too old, NOW!"
"If I'm twenty then I need to find my husband in exactly 3 years.."
"Why cant I find a guy? is it cause I'm not pretty enough or smart enough. Im running out of time"
I wonder why people are feeling this way.. Christians tend to marry young and the pressure to find a husband by a certain age is strong. The reality is that God does not set time restrictions on us, he will bring that person into our lives when the timing is right. So why should we inflict ourselves with the pain that comes if we surpass the age restriction we set and are still not married?
Purity is a hard thing to wait through and many Christians tend to marry early so that they can be intimate with each other. They do not get married early because they are too old in Gods eyes or the world's eyes. Take a look at Abraham and Sarah!
Stats show that the average age of women in Canada who get married is 31! yes 31! and for men it is 34! I was a little surprised when I read this because I had been surrounded by people with the mindset that marriage is to occur in our mid 20's and even I had started to have that mindset myself!
The reality is it's ultimately up to God to bring that person into our lives, we should not worry about when or how he will do it but just trust that he knows best. It is hard to deny the pressure that people in and outside of school put on us to find our perfect match here. If we seek to find this match then we are just asking for the drama and issues which ensue.
When we focus completely on God he will turn us into who he wants us to be. Once we have given him a chance to do that he will open doors, and who knows? our prince might just walk right in ;)
Tess-tify
The second I decided to go to Bible College the teasings began.." you know your going to BRIDAL college right?" or "I'm gonna find you a man!" and even now people ask me "have you found yourself a husband yet?"
The answer which gets played out inside my head is this: "People seriously I am not at Bible College to find myself a freakin husband! I came to Bible college because I am following my calling to serve God completely and fully for the rest of eternity, not to search out the man I will marry. If it happens it happens but I will not go out and search for it because of all the hype. "
Not everyone gets married to someone they meet in Bible college! In fact MOST do not. Say that 20% of couples who meet at Bible college get engaged each year. This seems like alot in comparsion to other schools but what about the entire other 80%? People make it out to be a place of divine matchmaking. This brings people whos main purpose is to find a spouse and puts pressure on those who come for the main purpose to grow with God.
I am one of those people feeling the pressure. I came to Bible College because I had been called to music ministry but due to all the hype before, I couldnt help but wonder if I would find my husband there.
This is such a distraction. If we spend all our time trying to figure out who our potential husband could be with the false hope that we will in fact find one there, we end up missing out on the valuable time that God wants to spend with us. I believe Bible College is meant by God to be a place of shaping, fixing, and molding us into the leaders we are called to be.
Sometimes I can feel people screaming from inside " Im almost 24, I need to find a husband before I'm too old, NOW!"
"If I'm twenty then I need to find my husband in exactly 3 years.."
"Why cant I find a guy? is it cause I'm not pretty enough or smart enough. Im running out of time"
I wonder why people are feeling this way.. Christians tend to marry young and the pressure to find a husband by a certain age is strong. The reality is that God does not set time restrictions on us, he will bring that person into our lives when the timing is right. So why should we inflict ourselves with the pain that comes if we surpass the age restriction we set and are still not married?
Purity is a hard thing to wait through and many Christians tend to marry early so that they can be intimate with each other. They do not get married early because they are too old in Gods eyes or the world's eyes. Take a look at Abraham and Sarah!
Stats show that the average age of women in Canada who get married is 31! yes 31! and for men it is 34! I was a little surprised when I read this because I had been surrounded by people with the mindset that marriage is to occur in our mid 20's and even I had started to have that mindset myself!
The reality is it's ultimately up to God to bring that person into our lives, we should not worry about when or how he will do it but just trust that he knows best. It is hard to deny the pressure that people in and outside of school put on us to find our perfect match here. If we seek to find this match then we are just asking for the drama and issues which ensue.
When we focus completely on God he will turn us into who he wants us to be. Once we have given him a chance to do that he will open doors, and who knows? our prince might just walk right in ;)
Tess-tify
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Lover of My Soul
My stomach tosses and turns when you call me beautiful. My mind spins faster than a top and my heart pumps against my chest.
My whole being fills with longing for the deep things inside of me only you can satisfy. I cannot contain the thoughts that you would sacrifice everything for me, your child.
I get all jittery knowing that you are always with me and will never leave. Although sometimes it feels like you have left, I know that you never do, and it is me who blocks you out.
I hate it when I hurt you, when I do not listen to what you have to say. It pierces my soul. You lead me into peace with your forgiveness.
You heart breaks for us. Your thoughts are consumed with us. Your crazy for us.
Romans 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I can't even imagine how great your love is for me, everyday I am understanding more. My whole being bursts with joy because you are alive and nothing can ever separate us.
Its kinda funny because whenever I enter the presence of God I am so overcome and overwhelmed with happiness that I cry. Occasionally my thoughts shift to what other people must be thinking, do they think that I am hurt or ashamed? do they think that I must have done something really horrible and am confessing it all to God? do they think this or do they think that.
I worry about what others will think of my tears and it breaks the deep connection I am having with him. Why? because I am focusing on myself rather than on God. In the book I'm reading called Exploring Worship it says that "a worshiper is one whose perspective is being expanded, whose focus is decreasingly on self, and whose interests are flamed by the passion of God himself." This is so true. As soon as my focus moves to myself I am lost.
"The goal for our worship should be that we come to the point where we do not see anyone or anything around us, but we become totally taken up with God."
I will not worry about what others think of my tears but will allow God to consume me, take me in, body, heart, and soul. It is not the opinions of others which matter after all, only Gods.
I encourage you to ignore the distraction of wondering what others may think. Stand before the Lord undignified and offer yourself fully to him.
2 Sam 6:22 "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. "
I want to worship with no inhibitions, I will strive to view my tears as a gifts from God rather than a bother. I cherish those times of intimacy with my creator, they fill me with overwhelming happiness and deep insight into who he really is.
Jesus, Lover of My Soul.
Jesus, I will never let You go.
You've taken me from the miry clay,
Set my feet upon a rock, and now I know.
I love You, I need You.
Though my world may fall,
I'll never let You go.
My Savior, my closest friend,
I will worship You until the very end.
Tess-timony <3
My whole being fills with longing for the deep things inside of me only you can satisfy. I cannot contain the thoughts that you would sacrifice everything for me, your child.
I get all jittery knowing that you are always with me and will never leave. Although sometimes it feels like you have left, I know that you never do, and it is me who blocks you out.
I hate it when I hurt you, when I do not listen to what you have to say. It pierces my soul. You lead me into peace with your forgiveness.
You heart breaks for us. Your thoughts are consumed with us. Your crazy for us.
Romans 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I can't even imagine how great your love is for me, everyday I am understanding more. My whole being bursts with joy because you are alive and nothing can ever separate us.
Its kinda funny because whenever I enter the presence of God I am so overcome and overwhelmed with happiness that I cry. Occasionally my thoughts shift to what other people must be thinking, do they think that I am hurt or ashamed? do they think that I must have done something really horrible and am confessing it all to God? do they think this or do they think that.
I worry about what others will think of my tears and it breaks the deep connection I am having with him. Why? because I am focusing on myself rather than on God. In the book I'm reading called Exploring Worship it says that "a worshiper is one whose perspective is being expanded, whose focus is decreasingly on self, and whose interests are flamed by the passion of God himself." This is so true. As soon as my focus moves to myself I am lost.
"The goal for our worship should be that we come to the point where we do not see anyone or anything around us, but we become totally taken up with God."
I will not worry about what others think of my tears but will allow God to consume me, take me in, body, heart, and soul. It is not the opinions of others which matter after all, only Gods.
I encourage you to ignore the distraction of wondering what others may think. Stand before the Lord undignified and offer yourself fully to him.
2 Sam 6:22 "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. "
I want to worship with no inhibitions, I will strive to view my tears as a gifts from God rather than a bother. I cherish those times of intimacy with my creator, they fill me with overwhelming happiness and deep insight into who he really is.
Jesus, Lover of My Soul.
Jesus, I will never let You go.
You've taken me from the miry clay,
Set my feet upon a rock, and now I know.
I love You, I need You.
Though my world may fall,
I'll never let You go.
My Savior, my closest friend,
I will worship You until the very end.
Tess-timony <3
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
You can't walk away from it..Isaiah 61
I bundled up in my warm winter jacket and prepared to go out into the heavy rain that I watched drip down my windows. The long bus ride to work would soon become a reality. At first I stood at the bus stop impatient and annoyed that I was getting wet, but as I looked around and reflected on God's ability to make something like rain, despised and unwanted, beautiful, my mind drifted elsewhere.
I got off at the usual spot, underneath an overpass by the main highway and walked toward my destination. I smiled at the men who had set up camp under the shelter there and talked with them as they remarked about the weather. My heart broke for them. Here I was in a warm jacket with a place to go and they had nowhere. I wanted so badly to take my Starbucks card and run over to Safeway and buy them each a hot chocolate. My bus was scheduled to come in 5 min and I was already gonna be late for work so I didn't, but I promised myself to do it in the week ahead of me.
I'm sure that so many people have walked to the bus stop just as I have and ignored them. These men are probably so used to it that it doesn't even hurt anymore.
My friend and also coworker and I briefly talked a little about why people grow closer to God in the midst of adversity this evening. He mentioned something like "I'm so full of emotion and fired up that I can actually feel something, that I call out to God even more..". The hurt and emotion these homeless people have is so buried that is barely recognizable anymore. It has been there for so long that they just get used to it, and it becomes the sad but distant background music of their lives.
Once I was on the bus I watched the people as they got on. This one woman stood near the front and pulled out a lighter, a syringe and some other things and placed them on the seat. She injected right there on the bus, the children in front of me as witnesses. Though appalled at first, God reminded me of his heart for her and the pain that he was enduring to see his own child do this.
I used to help out at a homeless shelter in the depths of the Vancouver Eastside. Although I only got to go a few times, I learned so much, wisdom that will never leave me. This one man that I sat with pulled out a wrinkled picture of his daughter and looked at it with adoration. He told me he wished more than anything that he could see her more. His job was paying him minimum wage but he was saving up to buy her a bike for her birthday. Talk about sacrifice! This one man taught me two things 1.) Our family is priceless 2.) Why is it that those who have lost it all are willing to give anything to those important to them whereas those who have all they need struggle to give even a little?
Another woman I talked to told me about how she had everything, a loving family, a home to live in, a school to go to but yet when she started smoking marijuana in high school all of that was taken away from her..She had gone to law school for 2 years, dreaming of the day when she would become a law secretary but because of her criminal record due to her addiction, her chance was thrown away. She has two girls whom she is not allowed to see but imagines everyday the time when she might get to see them again. This one woman taught me three things 1.) Hope is never lost 2.) We can learn so much from others mistakes 3.) We take so much for granted.
Freedom is available to all in Jesus Christ. His grace washes away our history, our past our mistakes, like the rain as it revives creation.
We have been called to help those who we sometimes see as helpless. We are all broken, we are all ashamed, no one is beyond the grips of our sovereign God.
We are so BLIND people! We are so BLESSED! We are CALLED to bring Gods hope to the hopeless, make known his love for the unloved, and proclaim the freedom we have been given through his sacrifice!
Put aside your fears and doubts and worries, the contempt this world tells us to feel for those who are less fortunate. Even a smile can bring happiness to those who feel like they have been isolated from the world in which they live. Dont walk by with your head down! A small sacrifice on our part can make the biggest difference.
Isaiah 61 - 1,2 1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn"
Break my heart from what breaks yours, Everything I am for your kingdoms cause, As I go from nothing to Eternity.
Tess-tify
Monday, January 12, 2009
PLBC Here I Come!
This is my first day as an official "dorm citizen" and let me tell you it is freakin awesome! I feel so at home here at Plbc, I got my Saviour, my comfy pants, friends who will be there for me at any time of the day, and of course my chocolate WHOPPERS. The community is small so we all get to know each other super fast..as soon as I stepped in I felt welcome. Dorm life consists of deep discussions, smelly rooms, laughter 24/7, tons of junk food everywhere, many trips to timmys, nights spent entirely on homework, and so much more too obscure for adult ears.
The best part though is the passion for God felt in every smile, encouraging comment and hug (em's are the best). Most students top priority is to learn and grow closer to God and it is very rewarding to see him working in the lives of them as each day passes.
(I wanna yell) There is no one like our God! For greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done on this campus!
Tessaroonie
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING
The author of this post has a serious case of dancing jitters, spontaneous singing outbursts, and crazy character imitations when low on sleep and high on caffeine.
Her roomate is a paparazzi, has a tendency to injure herself on strange objects, and can bust a move like no one else.
MUAHAHAHAH ;)
The best part though is the passion for God felt in every smile, encouraging comment and hug (em's are the best). Most students top priority is to learn and grow closer to God and it is very rewarding to see him working in the lives of them as each day passes.
(I wanna yell) There is no one like our God! For greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done on this campus!
Tessaroonie
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING
The author of this post has a serious case of dancing jitters, spontaneous singing outbursts, and crazy character imitations when low on sleep and high on caffeine.
Her roomate is a paparazzi, has a tendency to injure herself on strange objects, and can bust a move like no one else.
MUAHAHAHAH ;)
Friday, January 9, 2009
Facing the Sting of Pain
We've all felt it and we can all relate. Although physical pain really hurts, the burn of emotional pain usually lasts longer. I remember being scared out of my wits as a child of getting a spanking but as I grew older I began to see spankings as a blessing..when faced with the choice of a couple minutes of sheer physical pain versus missing out on a time with my friends I would take the spanking anyday. I've had alot of pain in my life, pain from feeling like my family didnt know me and saw me as something I was not, pain from friends who I trusted turning their backs on me, pain from the betrayal of those I loved the most. I know we all have.
We each react to it differently. Some of us store it up inside until explodes, some of us wear it on our sleeve, some of us store it in a corner and let it fester until it turns to hate, some of us seek "drugs" to numb it, and some of us try to run away (but it always catches up).
It is what we do with the pain that we feel that determines whether or not that pain can and will be used to help us grow stronger or leave us more bitter than the start. I believe that we feel pain to make us perservere and give God an opportunity to comfort us and offer us strength when we are weak. Ultimately it will be our choice whether we decide to take his help or try to handle it on our own.
The way I dealt with pain was by running away from it and letting it turn to bitterness. I still struggle facing hurts from the past. God is slowly but surely softening my heart. When I allow him to help me, rely on him for guidance, and take up forgiveness all that bitterness sifts away leaving only love. Only with his help can we "Love our enemies" and "Forgive our persecutors".
There are going to be many painful times ahead I know. I also know that as long as I have my father by my side (Hes promised he will never leave me) I can get through it all. I've always wondered why people turn away from God in the times they need him the most. Why it seems they cry out to him in only the most desperate times when there is already so much damage to their hearts that could have been fixed already.
When we allow him, he will transform grief into happiness, pain into love, and erase regret. It takes time, our hearts are fragile and easily broken but he will heal all our pain if we let him. He is in agony and pain from what we've done to him and to ourselves so he understands exactly how we feel.
I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord
I'm pressed but not crushed
persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength
Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Colossians 1:11-12 "God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient. And you will joyfully give thanks to the Father who has made you able to have a share in all that he has prepared for his people in the kingdom of light."
Its an easy trade that by grace we were given. Trade your pain, Trade your sorrows, Trade your shame for the Joy of the Lord.
Tess-tify
We each react to it differently. Some of us store it up inside until explodes, some of us wear it on our sleeve, some of us store it in a corner and let it fester until it turns to hate, some of us seek "drugs" to numb it, and some of us try to run away (but it always catches up).
It is what we do with the pain that we feel that determines whether or not that pain can and will be used to help us grow stronger or leave us more bitter than the start. I believe that we feel pain to make us perservere and give God an opportunity to comfort us and offer us strength when we are weak. Ultimately it will be our choice whether we decide to take his help or try to handle it on our own.
The way I dealt with pain was by running away from it and letting it turn to bitterness. I still struggle facing hurts from the past. God is slowly but surely softening my heart. When I allow him to help me, rely on him for guidance, and take up forgiveness all that bitterness sifts away leaving only love. Only with his help can we "Love our enemies" and "Forgive our persecutors".
There are going to be many painful times ahead I know. I also know that as long as I have my father by my side (Hes promised he will never leave me) I can get through it all. I've always wondered why people turn away from God in the times they need him the most. Why it seems they cry out to him in only the most desperate times when there is already so much damage to their hearts that could have been fixed already.
When we allow him, he will transform grief into happiness, pain into love, and erase regret. It takes time, our hearts are fragile and easily broken but he will heal all our pain if we let him. He is in agony and pain from what we've done to him and to ourselves so he understands exactly how we feel.
I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord
I'm pressed but not crushed
persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength
Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Colossians 1:11-12 "God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient. And you will joyfully give thanks to the Father who has made you able to have a share in all that he has prepared for his people in the kingdom of light."
Its an easy trade that by grace we were given. Trade your pain, Trade your sorrows, Trade your shame for the Joy of the Lord.
Tess-tify
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Looking Inside Ourselves....
Do you ever feel like everything is going great and you are so happy but deep down inside something isnt right..
But it is driving you crazy because you dont know what it is?
or maybe you do but you just dont want to admit it..
Psalm 139: 23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
God put this verse on my heart tonight. He wants me to reflect on who I am, who he wants me to be and desire to change in order to become that woman.
I want him to find any offensive ways in me and show me what they are and how I can fix them. I want him to look down on me and smile and be pleased with who I am becoming.
It is so easy for us Christians to criticize others and set ourselves on a higher pedestal than them because they have "committed this sin and we havent". No one is more "HOLY" than another. We have ALL sinned and disobeyed.
Romans 14: 1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.
4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
10You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat.
11It is written: " 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me;every tongue will confess to God.' "
12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.
God wants us to look at our own errors, not at others. We should desire to please him in everything, even if it means we need to be broken first. If we see our brother stumbling we should help, encourage and forgive him.
I am working on this. When I find myself judging others I will ask the Lord to judge me. This is my prayer.
Reveal to me my weakness (for only you know everything about me), Help me to fix it (for I can do it through your strength), and Lead me in your way Everlasting (for only you know what is best for me).
Tess-timony
But it is driving you crazy because you dont know what it is?
or maybe you do but you just dont want to admit it..
Psalm 139: 23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
God put this verse on my heart tonight. He wants me to reflect on who I am, who he wants me to be and desire to change in order to become that woman.
I want him to find any offensive ways in me and show me what they are and how I can fix them. I want him to look down on me and smile and be pleased with who I am becoming.
It is so easy for us Christians to criticize others and set ourselves on a higher pedestal than them because they have "committed this sin and we havent". No one is more "HOLY" than another. We have ALL sinned and disobeyed.
Romans 14: 1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.
4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
10You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat.
11It is written: " 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me;every tongue will confess to God.' "
12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.
God wants us to look at our own errors, not at others. We should desire to please him in everything, even if it means we need to be broken first. If we see our brother stumbling we should help, encourage and forgive him.
I am working on this. When I find myself judging others I will ask the Lord to judge me. This is my prayer.
Reveal to me my weakness (for only you know everything about me), Help me to fix it (for I can do it through your strength), and Lead me in your way Everlasting (for only you know what is best for me).
Tess-timony
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